Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How To Be Awesome When Loved One's Hurt

For those of you who haven't been following along, ROW80 is a writing challenge that lets you set your own goals, and cheers you on as you work on reaching them! I recently had to change my goals because I realized that, for now, my focus needs to be elsewhere. And, following quickly on the heels of that decision, I got thrown for a major loop. Some of my best friends are going through a personal crisis, and while there are going to be upsides to this whole ordeal, it's very difficult on all of us in the short run. Which, of course, means no time for me to write!

It has gotten me thinking though. My post yesterday (which only made it up because I wrote it Monday lol) talked about my experience with The Fault In Our Stars Tour and about living a life that is awesome, and the biggest thing I took away from the book that tour promotes is that life does not have to be going well for it to be awesome. So how can you be awesome when the people you love face hard times?

1. Give of Yourself

This can many different things because we all have different ways that we communicate and differing abilities and resources, but what that act is isn't really important. What's important is that you do something real, genuine, because people instinctively can spot fakes. Give flowers, take them out for a cup of coffee, write them a poem, send an email, do the dishes, just make sure its from your heart and not just some sense of obligation.

2. Be Realistic

When the people you love are hurting it is easy to want to save their world, but the truth is that usually you can't. You may be able to do some incredible things to help, but the truth is we all have our limitations, and there are some things that people have to work through themselves. As you are sitting there trying to figure out what you can do, be honest about your limitations. Maybe you can make a meal, but your not up to babysitting. Maybe your on the opposite side of the country and you can't be there, but you can still write or call. Maybe you can write a check or maybe all you can do is hold them while they cry. Don't feel bad about what you can't do, because everything you can do when someone is hurting is amazing!

3. Take Care of Yourself

You are no good to anybody if you wear yourself to the bone, and this one is extra important if you are closely involved with the situation. Don't forget to eat, drink some water, sleep, and take care of your self emotionally too. I think that last one is often the hardest, especially for someone like me who likes to take care of everyone else! You are important too, so call a friend, allow yourself an extra treat, take a bubble bath, but never forget to take care of you. 

4. Don't Be Afraid to Laugh

Laughter really is the best medicine, and when you can find humor through the dark times, you'll make it through to the other side in much better shape. Granted, a funeral isn't always the best place to laugh, but then again, sometimes it is. You'll know what is appropriate, but don't ever loose site of the funny side of the dark.

~ Ruthie ~

Ps. I'll try to post tomorrow, but until this is all "over" I have no idea really what day to day is going to look like. 


  1. This is an incredible post Ruthie, and so very, very true! I'm one of those people that will give you everything and forget about myself in the process; I invest all of my emotions and unfortunately, my good intentions tend to bring me down along the way O.o

    It's something I have to work on, but I'm definitely trying!

  2. Yeah, I just learned this morning that a friend's sister passed away. They are on the other side of the world and I can't do anything for her except be here to talk if she needs it. It's frustrating to be so far away, but I can't do anything to change it so...yeah.

    Great post!